February 11, 2013 my mom finally got her glass of chocolate milk. My sisters and I, and my dad, were all at the house when she took her last breath on this Earth. It was a surreal moment of disbelief. She was gone and I didn’t know what to do next.

The few days following were emotion filled days of family and friends sending their condolences and love our way. The American Red Cross sent Andrew back from the UAE to be there for my mother’s memorial. It was a beautiful day of remembering this amazing woman. And that night, I remember feeling that the real work was about to begin.

Andrew flew back and I was left alone again to start the process of working through everything. Not only that but the lease was up soon on the house so my dad and I had to start packing. We had to go through boxes of things and decide what to keep of mom’s and what to give away.

And after a long day of sorting, crying, and laughing over the things we had found, I would tuck my son in and make my way to the shower to cry and pray.

I tried to keep myself busy. Andrew’s sister got married in March so I dove in to help with that where I could. But little things would bring me back to remembering that mom was no longer at home waiting to hear about our fun day.

In April, Andrew’s ship returned to San Diego from deployment. He was back home! He was given 13 days leave time so we spent it mostly at his parent’s house catching up on all the events of the past year. We had a fun tim seeing pictures and getting gifts from his different ports.

Then a few days later, the three of us packed up the car because we were headed to California. I was excited to leave the past year behind. I wanted a new page, a new slate. I wanted to forget.

But instead of forgetting, I found myself slipping into a dark hole.